4/01/2008

Laser and Sword Goes Another Direction

(Boise, Idaho): Adam Graham, publisher of the publication formerly known as Laser and Sword Magazine announced a bold new direction for his magazine.

“Research indicates that Christian stories are more likely to sell if they’re historical romances,” said Graham. “Therefore, in consideration of Christian principle and making tons of money, I’m announcing we’re redoing all of our stories as Historical Romances.”

Graham, who says the publication will now be called, “Cannon and Sword Magazine” issued a list of proposed plot changes:

Instead of “Order of the Sword” being set in the modern day, it will be set in the 17th Century. Instead of his protagonists being Superheroes, they will instead being an international team of privateers protecting the high seas from cut-throat pirates. Instead of being betrayed by the Dark Mystic, a “Superhero” possessed by a demon, they’ll be betrayed by the ship’s magician, who is also a privateer.

”Why a privateer is a magician, I don’t know,” said Graham. “but let’s be clear he doesn’t have any magic powers. He’s an illusionist.”

The Story instead of focusing on the shipwrecked privateers will mostly focus on the Sword’s lovely wife trying to survive and wondering what happened to him.

“I’ve got a plan where a message in a bottle floats from the Bermuda triangle to Philadelphia where his wife opens it,” said Graham. “Hey, stop laughing, reporter! You may think it’s ridiculous, but it’s my plot point.”

Graham also said the story, “Rise of the Judge” would no longer be a futuristic story of a young man conscripted into a dystopic Imperial military, but will be redone as an 18th Century story of an American Colonialist forced to join the British Navy. Insiders expect Private A.L. Snyder to fall in love with an Indian princess and become city judge of a small town in Massachusetts by the end of the story.

“Tales of the Dim Knight” instead of being about a modern man who becomes a Super Hero, will be about a clumsy cowboy who finds an alien horse.

“I’m sure our old readers will be happy with this sci fi twist,” said Graham.

The Talking Alien Horse leads Cowboy Dave Johnson to become the “Masked Ranger’, a mysterious stranger who helps those in need and seeks to win the heart of local pastors daughter Naomi Bartlett.

“Bartlett is a great last name for a Western woman,” said Graham.

Graham picked April 1st because he said it was the most appropriate day to make this announcement.

“Readers can expect when the next issue of Laser and Sword-excuse me Cannon and Sword-comes out on April 6,” said Graham. “For it not to be action packed, seat of your pants thrills. We definitely won’t be featuring new and exciting heroes. Nor will our magazine be available at the easily affordable price of $1.25 per E-issue. Nor will you be able to download the first issue for free here.”

6 comments:

Deb said...

You forgot the cover--it must have a photo of a woman in a bonnet, gazing at the ground.

Get the details right, for pity's sake!

TWCP Authors said...

Mr. Graham,

I must say I am a bit dismayed that you made no mention of the hero of all good romance -- you are patterning your romantic leads after the mysterious and dangerous Fabio . . . aren't you?

Hope he's on the cover.

--cyn

Andrea Graham said...

Forgive him, to my knowledge, he's never actually read the genre he's professing to now be writing for ;)

Adam Graham said...

The problem with the modern romance story is that too many people who are writing it know what they're doing. That needs to change, and I'm the one to do it.

And no, aren't patterned after Fabio, in the rewrite they all have long blonde hair, great skin, and fabulous pecks. But they're not based on Fabio. By the way, did I mention they run around with shirts off for no good reason?

Deb said...

Shirts off? No good reason? Yes, YES! We will all swarm like good & obedient romance buyers, to read such treasures.

Anonymous said...

And no, aren't patterned after Fabio, in the rewrite they all have long blonde hair, great skin, and fabulous pecks. But they're not based on Fabio. By the way, did I mention they run around with shirts off for no good reason?

There IS a good reason.

So Bored Housewives can have a little Vicarious Adultery with the Not-Fabio...